Sunday, February 17, 2008

Random Updates

1. I found my camera lens wrapped up in a tote bag, in the bottom of the EMFLTB (extra mother fucking large tote bag), in our garage. I have looked everywhere and have been physically ill over it's absence.

I prayed to St. Anthony (and I'm not even Catholic), posted a request for the Babycenter psychics, summonsed my Spirit Guide (his name is David. Not kidding), meditated on it Ghandi style and had a heart to heart with Jesus about my lack of organizational skills and the fact that I have learned my lesson. Really and truly.

I finally decided that it was gone, that it had been thrown in the trash and that the nicest gift anyone has ever given me was gone forever. I sank into my bed in despair, determined to not get back up for at least 2 days, and thought of how St. Anthony, the Bargain Board, David, Buddha and Jesus had all let me down.

All of a sudden I could see the EMFLTB, clear as a bell. I remembered taking it from the dining room table to the garage at some point. I ran out to the garage, with Mr. Ashley trailing behind me telling me he had already checked the EMFLTB, and picked it up triumphantly.

And then I shit a rainbow. It was a beautiful moment, my friends.

2. The Valentine's Day party. Someone asked what was in the goodie bags. They had a pencil, a stamp ring, a lollipop, some gummy treats and a "Friends of Ashley's Photography Studio" card with Big Kid's picture on it (the one in the top hat, I think I showed you all) and a credit for 1 free 8 x 10.

And yeah, I know that the Bargain Board would say that putting the card in there is tacky, but the Bargain Board doesn't have to come to my fun playdates and play my games and eat my cookies.

The drama was between Emmers and Vivi. Em has never really been in a situation where Big Kid wasn't focused 100% on her and there was some definite jealousy, especially once the dancing and hand holding started. Although the pictures are funny, I went to bed a little sad that Emmy was all dressed up pretty for her boyfriend on Valentine's Day and had to watch him friending it up with some other girl. Of course, Big Kid was, and is, totally oblivious. To him your girl friends are the same as your boy friends except they make you hold hands and say I love you.

He does get stars in his eyes over Ruby, Girl Crush's Ralph Lauren model look-a-like daughter, but she wasn't impressed with his most recent attempt at conversation. I guess talking about the size of one's turds isn't her thing. Her loss.

For everyone uber impressed with the party and thinking that it is proof that I'm not lazy, you're wrong. The invites took more time than anything, but that is because I couldn't make up my mind. Otherwise, one trip to Walmart and Target and a call into Publix for some of their delicious sugar cookies was all it took. Chawentrepreneur Amy helped me find most of the goody bag stuff and those cute foam conversation hearts attached to the tags. I was going to glue them to the mailbox but decided not to, felt guilty about not using them, and used them for that. They ended up so cute! I was up until 3am the night before (but really, I usually am anyway) but a non-procrastinator could have done this easily and inexpensively.

Let me give you the key to a fun, painless for guests party: a strict schedule. Have a plan. Get the important stuff done and out of the way ASAP and do hanging out later, so the non-fun people can leave.

So if the party starts at 1, do a craft or activity as people arrive, you do cake at 1:30-1:45 or so, if you do presents (we don't) do it while people eat their cake, do any remaining games right after cake. Then it is play time, talk time, relax time for the grown ups.

And once again, I know it's a hot topic on the Bargain Board, but if you're somewhere that you can get away with it...a little alcoholic punch or Sangria goes a long way at any party. Not even for the buzz factor, I'm talking watered down punch that looks pretty, do it so your adult guests feel like it is a party for them too. It is done all of the time around here, but bring it up on Babycenter and people act like you're leaving out lines of coke on mirrors for your guests. Obviously at public parks this is a no go (unless you are serving alcoholic snow cones, as I did, because alcoholic beverages were prohibited), but at a house party, especially a BBQ....please.

Also, don't run around cleaning up. You're the hostess, you chat with people who aren't having an easy time mingling until you're ready for the party to be done and then you begin cleaning up (if nice guests haven't started already, they usually have, these are the best guests).

3. ChawAlissa pointed out that little kid was wearing Crocs at the party. If you are over 10 and you are wearing Crocs, you had better be a boater, a gardener or a lesbian.

HOWEVER, on children, they're just too convenient not to let their hideousness slide. little kid puts them on himself. Sand and mulch pour right out of them. I can hose them down.

So yeah, my kids wear Lesbo Shoes. I cannot tell a lie.

Was there anything else I was supposed to update you all on? I had a mental list going there for a while because it feels like I have a lot I've been meaning to update you on, but now I can't remember. If you have any unanswered questions, feel free to ask and I'll update this and make the people who use Google reader crazy.


Joy said...

Girl I love me some crocs for kids, mine has been able to put hers on forever. I did get her some oh so cute Mary Jane style in blue with super cute flowers on them, of course they were bought in FL because ya'll are so great down there.

But I will admit to wearing mine in the car rider line I am just too lazy to put real close on at 7am to drive the Kindergartener to school. They are great for yard work and working in the garden with that hose off factor, but don't leave them out in the sun they will shrink.

Elizabeth said...

Lord, you crack me UP.

I started a blog back again. Link is on profile page. If you are interested. :)

mumo3 said...

Now that our boys and their neighborhood friends are school-aged they all want regular old rec center school friend parties, with games, snacks and goodie bags.
Back when they were toddlers we had some mean neighborhood birthday parties. Kids had fun- all the bases covered: prezzies and cake... but boy did we parents kick it! Sangria? Nope. Punch? Nuh-uh.
Keg and margaritas. Followed by some celebratory fireworks. Lucky dumb husbands didn't lose limbs.
Those were the days.... Hmmmmmm.... really we ARE good parents. I don't know if I should be sharing... stories of parental debauchery.... We are good parents, really....

Mitch said...

Crocs on the kids = good. My girl used hers as a shovel at the beach tonight. What was she burying? Her kid brother. Those crocs bought us lots of beach time this evening!

Mitch said...

Oh, I forget to say --

You shit a rainbow!

HILARIOUS! And I'm too buzzed from sitting at the beach tonight to say anything funny about it ;)

Anonymous said...

you forgot to add clowns to the list of croc-wearers. that's what they look like to me!

have fun at you shoot - looking forward to stories of someone else's e-bull children :)

i really don't have anything interesting to say, i just thought you could use some more comments so you wouldn't think that we don't love you anymore.

Anonymous said...

You were also going to give us tips on taking great photos? TIA. DS 3 1/2 just called me to the bathroom to look at his turd -- "It looks like a snowman!". Sigh. This is my future.

Anonymous said...

OK, it is NOT tacky for you to put your photography stuff in the gift bag because it was just one thing AND all these people are parents and may want to do a session and didn't know where to go...You've done them a favor ;)

jenn said...

I am agog at the beauty of the idea of alcoholic snow cones. So beautiful...genius!

Mac said...

"And then I shit a rainbow" - that line 100% cured my wicked case of the mondays.
Also, I have one of the tote bags you speak of - that thing is wholly abyssal. I never knew of a bag that could make objects lose their material properties. Unreal! Congrats on defeating elmftb to rescue your lens :-)

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add something to your list of acceptable cros wearers - medical professionals. My daughter was in the NICU for a few days after she was born and my unbelieveable hot doctor (her doc too) came in to see her one day and he was wearing crocs. He is very stylish and pulled them off. I've see lots of nurses wearing them too (and I'm pretty sure they aren't lesbians!)