I love this Fraggle siggy that my girl Amanda uses but I just noticed they spelled 'you're' wrong. This is such a common, and unfortunate, error. Think about your contractions people.
However, it nicely sums up my newfound obsession with the photographer who taught the seminar last night. I'd link you all to her website, but one of you would probably contact her and tell her that she has a stalker and foil my plans to fly my kids out there, have their portraits taken, follow her home, sneak in under the cover of darkness and collect her hair balls that I would later eat and which would ultimately bring me the same success and talent that she enjoys.
Someone's always got to ruin the fun.
I want to BE her. I am not sure I want to work as hard as she does, I would prefer instant success with very little effort. K? thanx.
She is a wonderful photographer, a marketing genius and a compassionate, down to Earth, real person. I can't even bring myself to be jealous of her, or to resent her success. That's pretty amazing.
Her seminar was inspiring, enlightening and so educational. I'm so glad I went!!
I should say I'm so glad I made it there, since I didn't even bother to find out where the seminar was located (can you tell I was just really glad to escape?) until we were halfway there and my parents' beloved Matilda (GPS) was doing a half ass job getting us there.
Somehow we ended up at Ikea again and I bought some more storage stuff to add to my pile of storage stuff that one day I will utilize for organization. I swear. I will. One day.
I also got a sheepskin rug, a heart shaped rug and a funky little stool for photography props and my mom was nice enough to buy those for me. Now if she'd just convert the top of her barn into a photography studio for me, I might just get somewhere in this world.
After all, I saved them a ton of dough with the college education I didn't go through with (I was thinking law school at one point!) and I've never once been in rehab or needed bail money. They pretty much owe me, right?
So then we went to the seminar and I learned a ton and realized that I need to get off of my lazy ass and start hustling if I don't want to go back to making myself sick over real estate deals when the kids get into school, or worse yet, have another kid or two to prolong the SAHM thing.
Interestingly, John Edwards the psychic was in the next room. I could hear his audience's oooohs and aaaahs and laughter and clapping. There were 700 of them and they made the hotel a total nightmare to maneuver around. I'd love to see him though.
You know what was weird? As I was walking in to this crowded room, a pile of papers and my notebook in my hand, I hear someone shout out my studio name. I turn around and some chick says, "Are you Ashley so and so?"
Yes, I answered in disbelief, how did you know?
Your name tag.
I'm not wearing a name tag.
No, but you're holding it.
I look down at my pile of unorganized crap and my name tag is there, but the way I'm holding it you can only see Ashley and 3 letters of my last name (a very common name that could be 800 other names if you only knew 3 letters). It didn't even have my studio name on it. So I looked back up at her, weirded out and she says "I'm so-and-so (not her real name). Remember I called you in December? A few times? Then we talked and I said I'd send you an email? And then you never answered it?
All of a sudden, I remembered. I kept getting messages from some lady that was telling me she needed to talk to me and I was going to think she was nuts. Understandably, I was in no rush to call her back but one day she finally caught me and went on to tell me that she was also starting a children's photography business and considered me her biggest competition. So she wanted to be friends because she believes in keeping her friends close and her enemies closer.
Oh PLEASE, yeah, let's be friends!! I want to be friends with someone who has tracked me down, declared herself as my competition and has called me her enemy...
So yeah, I did think she was nuts. I humored her though and when she asked if she could email me the link to some photos of hers, I said sure.
Yeah, I got the link, looked at the photos...and don't really think of her as my competition. Nor am I really actively pursuing friends, little less frienemies.
So I didn't email her back. And now here she was confronting me about it. I made my excuses about the Christmas season, we bragged about how busy we were and kept it friendly but I thought the whole thing was pretty weird.
I also saw my wedding photographer there and the one who did our baby portraits (remember I told you all? With the dog and the lack of a/c and the exorbitant prices?) and I saw Catfish's wedding photographer who I desperately wanted to corner and interrogate about her photos but he was always suspiciously busy when I saw him.
It is a small world after all.
I skipped out at 11pm after winning a $150 CD as a door prize (I never win!!!!), she was running late and starting the sad stuff and we had a long drive ahead of us. I was glad my mom came with me, I would have been too tired to drive back alone, it was a really long day. Plus it was nice to have someone to dish celebrity gossip with on the long, dark, boring ride back home.
Can you believe I came home to a clean house and Mr. Ashley asleep on the couch waiting for me? THAT WAS SO NICE.
Of course, the house is already quickly deteriorating and little kid has been up to his E-bull ways:
(please note the BeBo poke, the nudity, the snotty nose and dirty face...don't tell him I said this but the kid has white trash tendencies...)
He tore up the orchid they bought me last Christmas and has been trying to shove that straw cap into his ear, I'm thinking he thinks it is an ear bud? I'm not sure. We officially have no small chairs or stools left in the house and I've had to take the bongo drums away because he was using those to climb. This morning I caught him standing on his tricycle seat, rolling alongside the counter, eyeballing the goods and the potential for danger.
I'm totally going to have him be Evil Knievel for Halloween.
He also got out the box of baking supplies (kept in a tub, because he was getting it all out of the drawer) and took the top off and flung it around the kitchen and then him and Heidi Louise scurried around to lick sprinkles off of the ground.
I've been a good mom this morning too, I played with them AND made blueberry muffins. The muffins tasted like ass and in no way, shape or form resembled an actual muffin, but they don't know any different and were so excited over a hot breakfast that they thought they were great. little kid ate 3 of them.
Now I've got plans and lists to make, people. Things have to change! Somehow I went from being Ms. Outgoing, at one point my entire job was to socialize and do lunch and cocktails and talk to strangers, to being a total recluse. A lazy recluse.
DO NOT FEAR. You will all fit into the plan. I love you all enough (most of you, anyway) to sneak into your showers and eat your hairballs too, but it would take me forever. You all are high on my list of priorities. I can't even tell you how happy the inbox full of comments makes me. I NEED YOU (but not in a weird, stalkerish kind of way).
I may share some of my lists with you because frankly, y'all will read anything. Plus, I could use some accountability. Together we will conquer the world!!