Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Confession

Can I confess that I am having a Bad Mom kind of day?

I hate to say it, and I'd hate for anyone to take it the wrong way, but constantly being outwitted and outlasted by a 17 month old is beginning to take its toll on me.

He just used a ride on toy to batter down the baby barrier and I can't even be bothered to stop him at this point. I even got out the Play-doh in the hopes that they would both just be occupied and give me a little break.

He is SO cute and SO sweet but seriously...it's not that he gets in to stuff sometimes, it's that he gets into stuff ALL THE TIME. Every minute that he is awake.

I guess he needs the kind of mom who wants to get out of the house every single day, those great moms that are at the play dates and Gymboree classes and hanging around parks daily.

I'm just not that kind of mom.

I get to the park and I'm hot and I'm bored and I'm ready to leave in 5 minutes. I go to playgroup play dates to eat the cookies and juice and count the minutes until it is over. I fucking hate Gymboree and historically my kids and I don't do well with their conformist bullshit.

This is why I bought an overabundance of toys and provided a sibling and pets...so home would be fun. I like home, Big Kid likes home, Mr. Ashley likes home...it looks like little kid is the one who should be adjusting.

I'm starting to feel like I'm slipping into post-partum depression...17 months late. I just feel exhausted and like I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and deny it any time anyone tries to remind me that I'm a mother.

This obviously isn't working for any of us, and he's even more stubborn than I am, so I guess it looks like I'm going to spend some time sitting at the park. I'm not starting that until next week though, I only start new things on Mondays and I have to go across the state for a photography seminar tomorrow. I'm coming back the same night, but surely it will take a few days to recover from all of that activity.

What I REALLY feel guilty about is that I'm losing my patience with Big Kid and doing even less around the house (you didn't think it was possible, did you?) and totally unmotivated with my business as a result of my feeling overwhelmed. It is just so hard to get anything done and it just stays that way for such a brief period of time, that it feels like a waste of energy and effort to even bother.

Ugh. Just hoping a confession will cleanse the soul or something. The Catholics swear by it, you know. They're a pretty wacky bunch, but I'll try anything today.

34 comments:

Kerry said...

You said, "I get to the park and I'm hot and I'm bored and I'm ready to leave in 5 minutes." Me too! I am not one of those moms who enjoys the park and finds it easy. My idea of a great play date is wine for the moms and dads on kid duty. Like that ever happens - right?

Shelly said...

((((HUGS)))) Ashley. We all have bad mom kind of days.

I have a ds who just turned 2, and he and LK have a lot in common. And, he's the complete opposite of his mellow, I'll just lay here on the floor sister.

Things were really really difficult at that age, because I remember not being able to take my eyes off him for a second, which just feels wrong at home. We should be able to "baby proof" a room and take our eyes away for a minute or two. But that was ds' time to climb the bookshelf, or try to push the tv off the stand, or empty the plant onto the kitchen table, or, or, or.

So, what I wanted to say is that it will get easier, and very soon, actually.

Good luck with today though! It's really not too early to start drinking, even here in CO.

P in VT said...

I know where you're coming from. When I was younger and my mom had 4 girls under the age of 6... things got crazy sometimes. Start by taking a few more moments for yourself each day. Even if you lock yourself in the bathroom. :) (Make sure the little kid is totally confined- - hard I know- - first or the results may be disastrous.)

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way... all the time. As I type this, my two older ones want to go to the park and my youngest wants to draw a tattoo on my (not-eve-a-little-bit-cute) belly. My dog puked on my bed though, so I don't even have any covers to crawl under at the moment.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who has these moments! I hope your day gets better... mine too!

Catfish said...

OK I have two suggestions: 1. Have a bottle of wine (glasses are for sissies) 2. Get a goat and tie LK onto a saddle and put the saddle onto the goat and they can trim the lawn together...all day.
(Disclaimer--I'm not a Mom and don't know if that's an acceptable remedy for children but it works for me)

Misty said...

I sooo know where you are coming from!! i feel like that almost everyday!!

I keep thinking my happy pills will make it all bettar.. they haven't yet. lol

magnolia mama said...

I'm having a BAD mom day too. My little kid was up at 2am with a fever and would not go back to sleep. I've had 5 cups of coffee which is making me jittery and mean!

Anonymous said...

ok...I just wanted to say that I had to read this post in 2 installments because my 17 month old satan span turned the puter off for me...and now he is making it impossible to type this...Do you think that the devil started his world take over in the fall of 2005 (I think that is when I got knocked up with him...it's foggy) and impregnated a bunch of us?

Dawn

Teri said...

I have to second Catfish, tying children to goats is perfectly acceptable.

EVERYONE has bad days, even those really annoying robotic Gymboree moms. It's alright, really. My A is a naughty little girl and I love her but there are days I wish she would occupy herself for just 5 minutes without destroying something. I'm gonna stop caring because she is who she is, I can't change her.

Hang in there until Mr. Ashley is home, then turn the kiddos over.

Big hugs for you (((Ashley)))

Anonymous said...

You need to host a martini playdate my friend.

Oh and I'm freezing my ass off and would give anything for warm.

jenn said...

Yup, been there. Those damn overly-scripted (see? a hypen! and no one got hurt!!) mommy/kid activities stress me out. I feel like I'm acting my butt off the whole time I'm there, and it's a total relief just to get in the van, crank some Pink tunes, and get the hell home.

Anonymous said...

I sure I mentioned it before but the Little Evil of our house makes me feel crazy on most days. As I type she is insisting on sitting in my lap and having a pen so she can draw, at least it is on a bill. Do you think they would except "my 2 yr old drew all over it and I couldn't read the due date" as an excuse?

Hang in there we all have these days

Joy

Mom2Max&Alex said...

I absolutely know how you feel and agree with everything you said. My little demon is only 15 months, but he's headache enough for 10 people. Parks suck and I just want to be left alone. I don't think you are wrong at all for feeling like that!!

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I hate to say it, because I know you are SAH, but maybe LK needs daycare?

It can really help SOME kids with behavioral issues, and like you said, maybe he's just different from the rest of you guys.

My DD HATES to stay at home and LOVES her daycare.

Experienced daycare ladies take allot less crap from kids than Moms.

Just wanted to throw it out there.....

GOOD LUCK. I know DD would be just like that if I had her home with me all the time.

To tell the truth (*confession*) DD is actually at daycare right now and I am at home sick ALL BY MYSELF.

Yeah, it's almost worth being sick....

Caren (Put-On-Your-Happy-Pants)

trishasboys said...

Gee, I read about LK and I wish that my August LK would let go of my leg long enough to find trouble. He puts the NEED in needy!! I guess there are two sides to everything. Maybe we could trade for a day or two or three! But you have to come here because I am dying to go to a park and be bored and hot. I guess its all a matter of perspective.
Hoping you survive today.
Trisha

Ashley said...

Trisha, I can also sympathize with the needy nonsense. little kid was the king of needy for year 1. I literally wore him for a year. It was insane.

So although you think I'd enjoy the freedom, it's not really freedom when you have to chase him around and keep him from killing himself every moment of the day.

These kids are a lose/lose situation.

I really, really like Catfish's goat suggestion...kills 2 birds with one stone.

Tara said...

Awww Ash! All I can say is that it will get better. HAHAHA NO IT WON'T...That's the bullshit line I get all the time. I have a 6.5 and 3.5 year old and it is a UFC match when he gets home from school. No need for trips to Vegas. Come to my house. There's elbow drops, flying kicks to the face, hair pulling, scratching (you get where I'm going) Oh yeah, and the one doing all this is my precious Darling Daughter...who is 3. I think Darling Son is scerd of her. It gets worse. Hang in there, roll with the punches, and have lots of alcohol for when the demons go to bed.

((HUGS))
Tara

Anonymous said...

my little kid is younger but is on the same path as your little kid. while i read this post, she shoved past the roadblock i made for her, went to her sister's room, threw all her little people everywhere, came back, emptied the contents of my purse, and then pulled my leather coat down and ate it.

she just smiled up at me and showed me the magnet she had been attempting to swallow. right now, as i was typing. she wears me out so badly and i end up doing nothing.

used to be LKfan, but i got fancy and got myself a google identity. just for you, because you're special.

Mitch said...

I feel your pain, girl. I just blogged the other day about how my 18 mth old uses our ottoman as a battering ram on our gate. He's figured out that a few well placed punches open it right up. I'm in trouble.

LuvMy2Girlz80 said...

You aren't alone. That's why I went back to work - after swearing that I couldn't leave my baby! Yeah, she's a 2.5 year old terror. LK and her are two peas in a pod. Oh - and I can't stand parks either. :D

adamandkaylasmommy said...

I SWEAR, I feel the same exact way. My DD is only 16 months old, and not as destruvtive as yours, but sometimes I wonder if I have PPD a year and a half late!

Hang in there Ashley!

SLC said...

Sorry you're having a bad mom day. Being a working mom (as I am) is very challenging at times, but I truly believe that it is more challenging being a stay at home mom. Many of my neighborhood friends are SAHM I don't know if I could do that on a daily basis. Kudos to you.

Carol said...

"Do you think that the devil started his world take over in the fall of 2005 (I think that is when I got knocked up with him...it's foggy) and impregnated a bunch of us?"

Oh my God... someone finally found the answer. I've got a 17-monther and I just want to keep him in the playpen with Baby Einstein blaring all day.

Tammy said...

I'm seconding the daycare/toddler group idea. I actually work in a toddler group at dss preschool and the age range is 15 motnhs to 3 years. For ours you can put your kid in anywhere from 1-4 sessions a week (2 hours at a time) and it is only $7 a day.

Honestly, look into it. If it coincides (sp?) with Big Kids preschool even better. Imagine 2 hours to yourself at least once a week.....trust me as a mom to a active (read crazy/hyoer) boy I can tell you it was heaven.

And as a side note....crazy kids don't bug us at all. Usually they calm right down for us and if they don't we just thank our stars they go home. ;^)

CM said...

Yep, I have bad mom days too. They usually involve me ignoring my kids so I can go read Ashley's blog!

Kasey said...

My own little kid just turned 18 months old, and he's most definitely the terror of my two boys, so I totally feel your pain! How many times can one person say "No, G, fish don't like milk" in a day, anyway? He doesn't slow down!

Cake said...

I totally know what your mean.

ITA with wine, but only because I can't post certain LOL Cats here ;)

Hang in there!

Christa said...

I'm going to go with Catfish's suggestion as well. Actually, I think I may try it this weekend. I always wanted a goat.

Blogversary said...

I distinctly remember having the same feeling when my daughter was that age. It passed. But, then she turned two and it came back.

Harmony said...

Einstein says:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Just a day in the life of being a Mom, is what I think.

The_Joyous_Quintet said...

This Mommy business is quite the rollercoaster ride, isn't it?

I actually don't mind parks once the kids get older-- meaning 3yo and up! 3yo and under you have to be scurrying after them making sure they don't fall off the play equipment. *yawn

Once they are 3yo and up, take the hellions to the park! Sitcho ass down with, say, an US magazine that is positioned ever so nicely over a current issue of Parenting magazine, and watch them from afar.

When they start acting crazy, pretend they're not yours. That's what I do anyway.

How old are your kids anyway? 17 months old and ??

Hang in there, Girlie! You are in a tough stage, and take it from a Mom of 4, it does get easier. Really, really, really (said in Donkey's voice on Shrek).

Kier said...

So I have your LK but he is now six. Get ready. I could go on and on and on with toddler stories but the highlight is when he was three and decided he was a fireman and took the water hose into my expedition. Yes, that was INTO. To put out 'the fire'. Water dripping from the DVD player, you opened the doors and water ran down the road. Oh, and I too am a good mommy and checked on him playing nicely in the front yard every two minutes. He was doing FINE. But somewhere between a 'good boy' check and me glancing away for two minutes to get coffee or check email or something fast (I swear), he turned into the toddler fireman. The Ford dealership had fun removing all 3 rows of seats and the carpet and replacing the liner that was beginning to mold while I had no car for 3 days for the most expensive carpet shampoo in history. The Ford dealership printing my 'detail' invoice as well. LK is SMART and you are in trouble.

Oh, I haven't mentioned the 4 trips to the principal's office in K5 yet have I? In a moment of being overwhelmed, I asked the teacher for any advice because I swear I'm a good mommy and don't know what to do with him. She said the counselor would send home some ideas for me. I expected behavior articles, be more consistent type lectures (no one has ANY idea how ON top of him I always was!!!), maybe a reward system idea. But no, what did I get sent home? Videos and books on ADHD. Ha! After months of pondering and watching, I investigated and that counselor knew her stuff!

Okay, the GOOD news. Now that he has his little sticker on his tushy that tells him to THINK 1st and ACT 2nd (always the opposite before!), he is a good lk! And the SMART oozed out of him once the CRAZY took a back seat. His 1st grade teacher recently said "he went to the office last year"? Yippee!!! Now they are testing him for gifted which is a hoot to me. Last year the guidance office wanted him in there to talk about behavior and keeping his hands to himself and this year they want him there to take tests? What a difference a year, and that tushy sticker, makes!!!!

Becky said...

Ashley, I'm totally there with you...I feel like I'm barely holding it together here lately! I teach first grade and my daughter is in kdg. at the same school. I NEVER am away from children and it's driving me nuts! On top of that, we are trying to fix up and pack up our house so we can move away from our druggie neighbors. I have too much to think about and no peace to think, so I end up taking it out on my family. I miss my old buddy Zoloft...it sure took the edge off after my son was born. I really need to get away for a couple of days (without children and maybe even without my husband) and get the things done that I need to do. Maybe you need a few days off, too (or good day care)! Hang in there, girl!

so tired said...

Maybe you should have a third child. That would give LK something to focus on. He could expend all his energy on how to f@#$ with the baby.....