Thursday, February 28, 2008

Social Dilemmas

Big Kid: I need to know all da woads to get to school to our house.
Ashley: Why?
Big Kid: I'm makin' a map on dis paper.
Ashley: Oh, okay. I'm a little tired of spelling things though, so just draw the roads without street names.
Big Kid: Um, dat won't work. Den Vivian's mom can't dwive her to our house in her car because she won't know how to get here.
Ashley: Mmmmm, yeah. (not really listening)
Big Kid: Vivian's mom doesn't know da way to our house, I already askded Vivi and she said her mom doesn't and dat's why she doesn't come to my house to pway.
Ashley: Ohh...what? You want Vivian to come over? To our house?
Big Kid: Yes. Weally bad. So I'm dest makin' her dis map for so she can give it to her mom. Now what is da name of da woads?
Ashley: Oh. Wow. That is sweet. Maybe we can meet her at a park one day?
Big Kid: Or maybe she could just come over to my pawk and we can dest pway here?

Hmm. You see, the problem is, Vivian's mom is nice and all...but not nice enough to clean the house for and sit here uncomfortably with for hours.

I haven't even gone there for Girl Crush yet. (it's on the list of the lists)

She's seems nice and I kind of think she'd like to hang with me, I get that vibe from her when we're in a room together. But she's older and European and dresses to the nines and carries purses that cost more than my mortgage (and that ain't no small thing) and has an accent and a house in a ritzy neighborhood and I always have to carry the conversation.

She tried to give me the double cheek air kiss at the V-day playdate and it got awkward.

She just has meet at the park for an hour if I must kind of potential, more so than a come chill at my house for as long as you want sort of thing going.

I wish I wasn't so socially retarded sometimes...I have excellent hostess potential...I just dread it with my heart and soul and can only muster it for big occasions.

Oh well, sucks to be Big Kid.

In all fairness, I have provided an option of 3 stunning 4 year old girls...all with moms I do have a desire to lounge on my couches with.

Poor Vivi.

(no one tell Emmers about any of this because she would be whupping some mother effing ass over some shit like this...)

Second social dilemma...a long time ago one of the chaws had pics on a facebook account and you had to register to see...or something like that. Basically, somehow I got a Facebook account, even though I don't do Myspace or Facebook or anything and I didn't mean to get one.

Well, I've started getting emails saying "so and so" has added you as a friend. All cool people from my mom's group, but I don't want a Facebook account, I'm not even sure what the deal is with that or how to access it and don't really love being able to be tracked down so easily.

Also, I don't love unsolicited requests to be friends on Yahoo Messenger. Some of Mr. Ashley's relatives recently invited me, once again, great people...but do I need them to know how much time I spend online? Thank God (or Yahoo) for stealth settings, but that makes me feel bad.

Who needs the guilt??

Basically, I just need everyone except for a select chosen few to leave me alone and I'll choose the avenue of communication. k?thxbai


Anonymous said...

First, thank goodness you are feeling better and are satisfying my need for fun.

Second, I thoroughly dread the occasion that someone might just stop by. We'd have to pretend we're not home. I have to have at least a full days notice before company comes.

Anonymous said...

If you don't tell me what the "bai" at the end of thx means, I'm going to give Vivi your address and a Google map to your house. I'll also leave massages on your answering machine with no importance just me saying I called. (see I'm mean and know your buttons) LUV YA!!

FunnyGal KAT said...

Do the relationships with people you haven't seen in forever but they want to rekindle things really work out anyway? I've had people from my past dig me up along the way. We touch base, we might have one or two visits, but then we lose touch all over again. There's a reason you didn't keep up with them in the first place.

Elizabeth said...

You are not a jerk, you are just honest.

I am the first to admit that I am not all that anxious to have a bunch of girlfriends. Frankly the internet and blogging world works fabulously for me because I can communicate on MY terms. And if I wanted people to have my address and directions to my house, they'd have it.

Melodie said...

You're not a jerk, unless I'm a jerk, too. I don't want to invite people over to my house, because I don't want to have to clean it.
I definitely wouldn't want to invite someone who always looks good over to my house because I can only assume that her house is sparkling and she would feel the need to burn her clothes after sitting on my couch (it's not really that bad, just not sparkling). Maybe if I had already been to her house and seen that she is a big slob, too, it might be doable.
And, I'm sorry, but even if you're Oprah (especially if you're Oprah), you're not getting in my house without advanced notice!

Anonymous said...

I feel ya, sista. I am in no hurry to invite the majority of the gals around here over, that's for sure. Avery gets playdates at the park. Oh, wait, I wiggle my way out of most of those, too... Poor kid.

Anonymous said...

I hate hosting kids and skinny ass mommas with fancy bags too.

Unknown said...

See...I'm not a jerk! It's her fault for being rich and skinny and talking funny.

Sally said...

Embrace the playdate at your house. It is the very best Mommy friend filter EVER.

#1 You don't have to leave the house.

#2 No additional stress to get everyone ready and be on time.

#3 It filters out the high maintenance Mommies.

I put the minimum effort into cleaning for a playdate. Swish the toliet and wipe down the sink in the bathroom. Walk through and search out random dirty socks that may be hiding. Keep master bedroom and office doors locked for playdate. You are golden.

If Mommy guest can't deal with the current state of things or there is uncomfortable silence you just filtered with minimal effort.

If you and said Mommy have great chemistry, she either accept you warts and all; or more likely thrilled that she doesn't have to clean when she has you over.

Some of my favorite girl friends started out this way. They appeared perfectly together but turns out they were just putting on the Mommy show. We're all much happier now.