Sunday, February 24, 2008

POOR ME

funny pictures

This.weekend.I.have.learned.that.we.all.deal
with.puking.in.different.ways:

Big.Kid.is.clearly.a.believer.in.
The.Secret.and.operates.on.the.hope.
that.sheer.willpower.will.get.him.through.
This.almost.always.results.in.a.cupped.hand.full.of.vomit.

I.lie.on.the.bathroom.floor,alternating.between.yelling.for.
Mr.Ashley.for.help.and.waving.him.away,praying.to.Jesus.and.
cursing.the.world.for.doing.this.to.me

(and now I'm switching to Mr. Ashley's computer because do I really need to be reminded of my lack of a goddamn space bar after every freaking word? No. No, I do not.)

My method results in tears, drama, praying, and cursing like a sailor.

little kid thinks if you run fast enough, you might just get away.

This is, in my experience, THE LEAST effective way of dealing with vomiting. Not only does it not work AT ALL, but you widen the path of destruction in a major way.

So yeah. Fun weekend around here. Mr. Ashley wins #1 Human Being of the Week award, which is pretty impressive since he wasn't even in the top 50 as of Friday. God bless that man and all of the puke sodden sheets, towels and clothing that he has washed.

I was so, so, so sick. I woke up at one point cradling a bucket of bile in bed beside me. Around 4am I remember falling asleep between heaves and wearily deciding that I was just going to roll over on to my tummy and go to sleep and we could always just get a new mattress if I puke on this one.

The next lucid thought I had was around 4:30pm, when Mr. Ashley gingerly peeled the acrid, sweat soaked down comforter off of my head and asked if I was alive. I was surprised to find that I was and even more surprised to find myself soaking wet, covered in hot wetness and lying in a puddle of sweat. I requested a new top blanket, rolled to a dry corner and lied there exhausted, watching the true crime network as I drifted in and out of consciousness.

A few hours later I ventured out to find a gray but recovering Big Kid, a puking while running little kid and a very tired Mr. Ashley. I still feel like crap and I cannot eat and can barely drink but I am just so so so glad not to be hanging over a toilet in some fashion, that anything feels good at this point.

Also, can I admit that while lying on my cold, filthy bathroom floor (which was ironically to be the big and much needed focus of Suds it Up Saturday) that I was making up LOL catz for you all? My crazy ass wanted to get up, with my shivering and sweating and puking and pooping, and post a LOL cat for you all. THAT IS DEDICATION.

If you haven't taken the time to vote for me for the awards in my sidebar after hearing that, you have No Heart. No Heart At All.

12 comments:

Ginny said...

Aww, the worst part about being a mom is being sick, especially when everyone else is too! Feel better!

carla said...

You poor thing! One thing you have to look forward to- Mr. Ashley will surely have "it" within the next 48 hours. He will put you and the boys to shame with his amount of complaining. Speaking from experience here.

Get well!!

Mamalicious said...

I want you to know that I have been thinking about you and your welfare. If I were near, I'd go get you some damn ice cream and clean your bathroom too.

I hopes her feels better soon.
Holly

Jamie said...

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad!!! Get well soon!

Mo said...

get well soon! My husband son and I all had what it seems like you guys have, only it started 3 days before Christmas for us, and finally finished making the rounds about Jan 2. It sucks, I totally feel your pain- pedialyte popsicles are what helped my kiddo- hang in there!

Karrie said...

Ick my family had this a few weeks ago only one to escape was my husband and younger daugter. My oldest managed to start with it all over the hallway at her school(sorry custodians) and my poor son got it right after he just got over strep..than i started...and well lets say that Mr. Karrie must love me since I did not make it to the bathroom and apparently throwing up on wood floors causes spray all over the walls as well-and he got to clean it up.
I have much sympathy for u but there is one upside! I lost 6 pounds during that bout!

ok back to my son who is couging and hacking i think we got croup now.
Karrie

peglegstarfish said...

Dang, Puking sucks. I once had a spell where I was puking and pooing at the same time. It wasn't pretty. And your hubby NEEDS to get you ice cream. ASAP. Hope you feel better!

Southern Mom said...

Hope you feel better! Stomach bugs are the worst!!!

Amanda said...

Get well soon :(

jenn in Maine said...

When you hadn't posted in awhile, I had a feeling you were either sick or little kid had assembled a pipe bomb and detonated it on your laptop. Hope you feel much better soon!

mlatulip said...

:(

I think that it's appropriate to send out a "Sucks to be you" here. I'm sorry that you're feeling like shit. I hope that today is a little better & that Mr. Ashley feels better soon.

Miss you!

PS- Rob & Big have arrived back in our store.

White Lily said...

I feel for you, I had the flu ON MY VACATION.