Sunday, February 10, 2008

Shocker

You're all never going to believe this, but it looks like little kid is a biter.

He has been consistently biting Big Kid and has gotten me a few times too. Today when I confronted him about the Sharpie incident, he went to bite me and bit his own arm...hard. This INFURIATED him and as I carried him out in front of me by his upper arms, he kicked and bared his teeth and lunged at me in what I'm pretty sure was an attempt to bite me in the face.

So he got a time out and this time he couldn't strip the bed because I found his Ultimate Crib Sheet and put it on (thanks to a commenter for reminding me that I have one and that this is so far effective). He still didn't care and was all smiles when it was time to come out and willingly and sweetly went around and gave the apology hugs he has to give 900 times a day.

Basically, what we're doing is not working.

I do not want to have the kid who is a biter. Big Kid didn't bite people. He also never played in poop. I always thought that the kids that played in poop and the kids that bit people were a little wacko...and now I have one that does both.

There have probably been 6-8 biting incidents today alone. He just ran over here for no reason at all and hit me in the leg with a fork.

Has anyone had any success in re-training Satan spawn? Is there any chance he'll grow out of it? I've been holding on to the "he'll grow out of it" dream since Day 1...is it time to let it go?

35 comments:

Teri said...

Hmmm, tough one. My Spawn doesn't bite, she head-butts. Snail Child, my oldest, bit for leisure. It got her kicked out of daycare. She's good now.

Honestly, I think children progressively get worse with each birth, that's why I stopped. At this rate, I would give birth to Satan next, not just his spawn.

Do one of three things:

1.)Fill E-bull full of sugar and stop brushing his teeth. Make him gargle Coca-Cola and soon his teeth will soften and it will hurt to bite.

2.) De-teeth him. You know, like a cat is de-clawed?

3.) Keep putting him in timeout, eventually it should stop. I've never seen a college student going around randomly biting people. Only at the orgies.

Anonymous said...

had to make my biter bite a bar of soap. don't know if lk is old enough for something like that though. it got pretty bad before we went that route.

SweetMichelle said...

Do time-out with him buckled in his high chair facing a blank wall. The crib is way too much fun for an "e-bull" kid.

Diva said...

NO NO NO it is not time to give up that thought, it can't be, he's to young and the 2's are terrible anyway, if you give up then what am I left with?
I have the same age and the same child apparently. I would show you but I don't think the comment section will take pics.
I'm seriousl he bites, pushes, hits, climbs, finds anything to get into and my older 2 never did this shit! I don't know, you do what you feel is best I am hanging on to the "he'll grow out of it" with every last fiber of my being. End of story.

Anonymous said...

My third was a biter, which is really my fault because I was all smug that my first two were not. That is karma for you. . .anywho, he stopped recently after his cousin bit the holy living dookie out of him. I don't think it is probably legal to arrange that sort of thing, but some food for thought. . .
STK

AFRo said...

My youngest tried to be a biter. I bit him back... once... hard. He NEVER bit again.

I did not break the skin nor did I leave a bruise, but I did leave teeth marks and after his initial shock and awe at the fact that I kept my "meany face" on whilst disciplining, he cried and asked me to "no bite mommy" and it was like a deal was made between us. If he didn't bite, neither would I.

Maggie said...

A couple of thoughts on biting. Biting requires isolation. If you bite, you don't get to be around people. So there's time out, removal from social situation, whatever you can manage. Another key thing about dealing with kids that it took me two kids to learn is to stay calm at all costs, or at least appear to be calm. LK sounds like the kind of kid who likes a reaction. Better not to give him that satisfaction. Also, deal with this but don't worry too much. He's still at the age where biting and playing with poop, while annoying as all hell, isn't disturbed behavior. And maybe shush the talk about him being Satan's spawn. Ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecies? I know exaggeration is part of your schtick Ashley, but this is your kid and your life we're talking about. Didn't mean to preach but I guess it turned out that way.

~Gretchen~ said...

sigh

my aug 06 baby is also a biter. has been for months. i have taken to calling him Sonny Beaudelaire.

nothing stops him. it isnt like he has two and has cognitive understanding and reasoning.

sometimes he bites because he is so happy. sometimes because he is having so much fun. i have seen him start to climb up on a chair and then bite the seat so that he can move his hands further to get another grip.

if you find a solution, tell me. it isnt like you can tell an 18 month old to change their behavior.

Teri said...

Oh yeah! When Snail Child bit, our pedi told us to bite her back. I couldn't do it, mostly because she didn't bite us. Just the kids at daycare.

trishasboys said...

I second the bite him back theory. It worked for my middle son. Now the third one is the head butter and the hitter. I'm not sure it would be appropriate to head butt him back, though this morning when he busted my lip open I had to hold myself back. I really beleive the mean phase is just that, a phase. Don't lose hope!!

Tiffany said...

I would agree with the pp who bit her LO back. My son (19months) thought he could bite until I bit him back. I would do it as hard as he did and it only took him twice to learn! He hasn't bitten me in almost 6 months. Any time he even thinks about it I remind him that I will bite him back and he will move his mouth and just smile instead.

I don't like biting and if he's gonna do it to me then I'm gonna do it back! Good luck

Joy said...

I believe the reader who says they get worse each time. My first was such an angel I was scared to have another. #2 just turned 2 and has been in her "terrible two" stage for some time now. She doesn't bite just hits, kicks, falls on the floor and gets so mad her face turns red.

I agree the bed maybe too fun for him for time out, we use the bathroom she has to sit on the stool (sometimes it works).

PixieVonAzia said...

My husband did exactly the same thing 'AFRO' did.. She was becoming a biter and after he did that she soon stopped..

By the way love your blog, you are really funny!

Dre the Texican said...

Don't bite back. That's ghetto. If you have to physically harm your child to get them to be obedient, the problem is you, not them.

Anyway, now that I've made friends with that whole group of people, let's move on.

Ashley, babe, my little girl started biting, and just as a kind of bizarre science experiment in parenting, I decided to do something I'd read about that I thought was ridiculous and would never work: AS SOON as she bit me, I stopped the press. I said, "Ouch!" very loudly, then got down to her level (on my knees), held her in place, looked her in the eyes, and said, "You hurt mommy bad. Teeth are not for biting people. Mommy loves you. You love Mommy. We do not hurt people we love."

It took a lot of patience (which I have NONE of) and about eight times doing the exact same thing for her to stop. So I got seven more bites than the animals who bite their kids back, so what? My child still respects me and isn't completely confused that I can bite her, but she's not supposed to bite me.

Oh, yeah, she fell off the wagon and bit my husband the other day, too (about two months after the first episode), and I immediately went through the whole routine again. She cried and hasn't bitten again since then.

SweetMichelle said...

I agree with Maggie completely. We started doing Love and Logic with our little wild man and it's been great. I never give him a reaction because he THRIVES on that. It is completely fascinating and hillarious to him to make an adult angry or make another kid cry, etc. The power! I just say "so sad" and put him in the high chair.
I keep saying it--put that cutie pie in the high chair. He will HATE IT because he can't destroy anything, move around, play with anything, etc.
He will get (a little) less aggressive when he gets more language.
Have you ever read Bringing Up Boys?

The_Joyous_Quintet said...

The more kids I have, the better they behave.

My oldest was my hardest, and yes, he was a biter, but keep in mind, biting joins hands with communication and since LK cannot communicate effectively due to the age factor, biting can and will take place.

Breathe easy.

It's a common occurance.

It *will* pass.

Just firmly say, "No," and soon it will high tail it out of there as fast as it came.

Mom Of 3 said...

I just found your blog, I was looking on the best blog nominee's and I started reading yours. I love it! I am a mom of three so I can totally relate to all you say. LOL
As far as biting, I had to resort to biting my middle child before she realized how it hurt. She did once more after that, again I bit her. I know that sounds horrible but sh ehasnt done it again. We tried everything before that and nothing worked for us. Does that make me a bad mom?

JonBoy said...

Whatever you do, don't threaten to bite him back or make him eat soap and then not do it. My old roommates were really bad about following through on consequences, and their oldest is nearly unmanageable for them. A real shame 'cause she's a great kid.
A few times I had to set her straight, she learned real fast I don't promise what I don't deliver. Never had any problem getting her to listen after the first couple.
Her parents actually started using me as a threat when they couldn't get her to do stuff. Had to put a stop to that.

Smoochiefrog said...

My eldest bit his little brother once. I bit him and he's never done it since.

K tried the biting thing and she got bit back. She quit too.

I don't think it's wrong to bite back, as long as you don't do it to the point of breaking skin. The child doesn't know what they're doing hurts. Doing it back helps them realize that it doesn't feel good to the person getting bit. They associate the bite with pain and will realize not to do it.

AFRo said...

I am so ghetto. Hence the name... Afro you see? And just so you know that whole talking to the little boy and explaining how they hurt you is a load of crap. Why not show him how it hurts? I didn't tell him he couldn't... I told him he shouldn't... the I showed him why.

Also, I second the recommendation on the book, "Bringing Up Boys."

Maria said...

I have a hitter.
Not as bad but bad enough.
Let me know if you come to a solution.

Dre the Texican said...

The load of crap seems to be working for me! And several other of my friends who make time to actually discipline rather than just wanting to shut the kid up so they can return to watching TV or whatever else they find more important at that particular time.

I may have to go ghetto on the next one, who knows. Maybe hit 'em with a spatula or sumpim when they accidentally knock over my cold one. Or give them a pill!

Mommy Cracked said...

Honestly? I say prayers to Jesus and remind myself it really will pass. Kids bite and it sucks for all involved, but that's part of being a kid. I definitely didn't encourage it with mine by ANY means, and he got butt swats for it, but looking back, it was merely a phase that I probably worried about too much. Just hate for you to have to worry.

AFRo said...

What sucks more than having a kid that bites? Being the mom of the kid who comes home with bite marks repeatedly.

I watched as my 2 year old received multiple abrasions from his "best friend" at daycare. BFF's mommy was one of my dear friend's AND a firm believer in the talking it out theory.

BFF didn't have many friends at daycare after months of "talking it out" with mommy and not being able to control himself or understand what it was he was doing to the other children that made them avoid him.

Stacy said...

Oh man...biting sucks. I'd probably be an "animal parent" and bite him back too. Sigh

jenn said...

Looks like you've already got tons of great advice here, so I won't add any. But in the category of "it could be worse...", I have a friend whose son not only is a biter, but HE ONLY BITES BABIES. Howdja like that?

mumo3 said...

We, too, had a biter. A vicious little girl child who found it very satisfying and entertaining to see her power over brother #2. While in many cases I saw her point, and had it been me, would have also wanted to bite him often and everywhere, we had to maintain that biting was "not cool".
It all changed when I read that it was important to give all the attention to the bite-ee after an incident. Don't even scold the biter. Ignore that child altogether. And... heap TONS of attention on the bite-ee. Till it's almost sickening. Still, continuing to ignore biter.
Worked for us, and vicious girl child is one tough customer....

Dre the Texican said...

I think "talking it out" is more about boosting the child's self-esteem...a method parents use when they think their kid never does anything wrong (because that would imply they parents are doing something wrong) and / or to spare feelings and the sense of wrong-doing at all costs. And "talking it out" is why I'm a total brat who is averse to authority because my parents wanted to talk everything out and let me believe I was always right (you never would have guessed that, right?).

When my daughter bit, I didn't even think about boosting her self-esteem or making her feel good about herself or making her feel as if everything she does is okay. I am anti parenting that employs always wanting to talk things out.

The whole routine of calling attention to it but not freaking out, then fiercely looking them in the eye and firmly telling them the effect of their actions and the difference between right and wrong is not talking it out. Talking it out implies I care about her feelings, and the truth is, I don't give a crap about her feelings at the point in time when she is biting. The feelings don't matter here, and the "talk it out" parents seem to mostly be concerned with feelings. My point to her is, "Your feelings don't come into play here. Biting is unacceptable, regardless of your feelings."

After a while, like maybe after she learns to talk, we can discuss her feelings.

Biting them back is too easy. They bite, you bite back. No thinking required. But you have just given them an example of when biting is okay. To show someone what's up.

ErIn said...

Having a biter sucks! My yds is a biter (only bites his brother luckily) and he only does it when he's really frustrated! Granted, about 70% of the time my ODS deserves it! For now we're doing the time out/isolation thing. I've tried biting him back as well and he just laughs. Damn carnivorous kids!

~nuckingfuts

NY Bitch said...

My daughter was a biter. We put tabasco on her tongue and she never bit again, although she does have a fondness for Mexican food (she's 16 now).

morgan said...

when the big one was a toddler, she was a biter. i talked to her, tried time outs, EVRYTHING. one day, for no reason, she bit her little bff. she drew blood on the boy! i lost my temper and bit her. there was no bruises, but it was hard. the big one's now 5 and has never bitten since.

Kerry said...

I read that a child bites because he doesn't know how to express himself yet - so he is frustrated for some reason and he has no clue to hot to communicate this to his big brother and biting is easy. don't know if it's true but hey, it sounds good!

Hair Girl said...

People that don't physically discipline there children as todlers will have to pay when they become teenagers. My 11 year old was a saint, my 5 year old not so much (we refer to him as evil). 2 kids- 2 discipline policies; however, both boys know that "when we say it, we mean it". The older one has always lost privileges and was devastated, the younger has to be spanked AND placed in timeout just to get his attention. ( I even had a monogrammed wooden spoon) They are a little scared of us and its good! I am still a little scared of my parents, but respect them greatly.

~Gretchen~ said...

really? she should use logic and reason and explain that this hurts? do you morons realize that this child is 18 months old?

Christa said...

I have a little girl biter (Aug 06 baby...see a theme here?) We do time out and it is getting a little better, but she reverts sometimes. Although now she has moved on to pinching...and she likes to pinch nipples. *sigh*