Monday, February 4, 2008

Monday Morning Bitching

I said I'd lay off on bitching at you all for a while once we're past the whole Bloggies thing. Well, it's been a couple of days now and I just have to mention a few things....

(things you have heard before)

Comments.

Sigh. What is it going to take, people? Do you know that anonymous commenting is enabled? You can have an account, make up a nickname, or just be anonymous. How long would it take you to hit the comment link, type "LOL" and hit send? About 2 seconds, if even.

Wouldn't it be fun if Ashley's Closet was a COMMUNITY effort? With more than my regular cast of commenters (who I consider my friends, dorky as it is. I know and remember all of you. When I'm rich, you shall be rewarded). Most of you are really funny. You don't even HAVE to be funny though.

I would really hope out of a couple of thousand people...more than 5 would have something to say about any given thing I've written.

PISSED ME OFF when I went and looked at my Bloggie competition...80 comments per entry?? What am I doing wrong? Do I write too much, not giving you enough time to comment on past entries (feel free to comment on anything, even from the way back, really.)? Is it that you're all "normal" people and not "blogging" people and don't recognize the joy that comments bring me? ARE YOU JUST BEING MEAN TO ME?

That's how I'm going to start taking it.

Admittedly, things have been slightly better lately, but we've also had a huDge traffic increase. I would expect the comments to correspond with that trend.

Okay, I'm not going to bitch about the nominations in my sidebar just yet, because we have all year but what? More than 10,000 people have probably seen it since I put it up but only 66 have voted? Okay, so I'm not your freaking precious Dooce. Dooce, Dooce, Dooce. Dooce is a goddess and everyone loves Dooce and she's nominated for BEST BLOG IN THE FREAKING UNIVERSE AND MOST AMAZING HUMAN BEING EVER and makes a bazillion dollars and gets a million comments a day....does she really need to be the Hottest Mommy Blogger too? I'm pretty sure they have to make up awards for her now, since she has already won every single one twice.

I hesitate to even mention her name, because you'll all probably run over there to tell her how wonderful she is and how she should be president of the United States and probably the next Oprah too. Yeah.

I'M SO JEALOUS I CANNOT STAND IT. I'd probably love her, but I won't even go look because I'm J-E-A-L-O-U-S. She's a total weiner gobbler and I mean that as an insult. Oh and don't you leave a comment here about how great Dooce is. Don't you do it.

So, I'm thinking I may have to implement a new system. Some sort of reward/punishment deal. Like, no new entries until we've hit 30 comments on the last entry (very reasonable) and until we're up to __ nominations for my awards. (Don't forget Best Parenting Blog)

But I know people like The Renee and Joy and AFRo and Catfish and Kate and Sasha and Traci and Clemsongirl and Jennifer and my GOOD commenters would be left with the brunt of the work...commenting and commenting and commenting just so we could all move on to the next bout of hilarity.

So don't make me do it people. I am tired of nagging and bitching at you all and I know you must be tired of hearing it. Especially those of you who are actually being productive members of the closet...you shouldn't have to be punished for the wrongdoings of others. Maybe I'll start a new blog, give all my good commenters a password and we'll have a big old funny party without "them".

90 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL! I am guilty as charged. I read and seldom comment. Please forgive me, I promise to comment on all blogs. No guarentees on anything witty but I do have my moments.

Elise said...

You crack me up. I love getting to the computer in the morning and opening your blog- I never know what to expect, but I can be sure that I will laugh my ass off.
I hope you win your bloggies....
And I will comment as much as I can, promise.

Amanda said...

I am guilty of not commenting, too, but I have to admit that it's mainly because I know there is no way I could comment anything as funny as what you blog...

I fear I am not worthy of you! THERE... I said it.

Seriously. But, I am going to get over it and just tell you how much I enjoy your blog and how addicted I am to it...

Jeni said...

Ok so I admit I lurk here like I lurk on the bargain board, BUT since I also love attention I can relate to what you are feeling so I will work on commenting more! :)

I did vote for you almost everyday though with two (yes two so I put in double the effort!) email accounts so that should at least get me half the password to the new blog o'fun! ;)

Suzanne said...

And you said Adrianne Curry was whiny? ;) Seriously though, I love your blog!

Anonymous said...

We're not worthy!

Jennifer said...

How on Earth did you manage to not say "Douche"? Disclaimer: I have never read nor heard a peep about Dooce, I just go for the obvious jokes. No insult intended.

Catfish said...

It's always the same 10% of the people doing 90% of the work...so sad :(
Come on people, pick up the slack ;)

Anonymous said...

i will try to comment more. i love to lurk your blog.

Suzanne said...

Oh, and I just went and checked out the Dooce site....eh...don't see the appeal.

Anonymous said...

I made it a new year's resolution to comment more - I swear! And I don't even know who Dooce is and I won't be leaving to check her out. Noone could be better than you!

Katie

SLC said...

I'm commenting!! and I voted!! ;-)

Rebecca said...

You're so much more wittier than I am that I'm afraid my comments suck. You intimidate me. I am addicted to your blog though. Just look at how many hits my IP address has at your blog daily...

I'm sorry... I'll go stand in the corner now. :(

Jeri said...

See, your shameless begging has paid off. I didn't know about your blog til I went to the bloggies to vote, and I hadn't even heard about the bloggies until I read about them on Pioneer Woman's site. I studied those who were nominated, much like I study my voters ballot for president, and after reading yours, I voted. First time ever I had heard of you and you got my vote. Do I get some kind of reward for that? I am enjoying your blog, though, and will stick around and continue reading it, but I can't guarantee that I'll respond much. I don't do that....unless that above mentioned award is a hefty one, then I'll say anything you want me to.

Anonymous said...

LOL!

Dre the Texican said...

Okay, this is not criticism because I would NEVAH criticize, but what some of the other bloggers do who get a ton of comments is...reply to the comments via email or in the comment section of the post. So after they accept the comment, they give a little personal shout out to the person who wrote the comment.

Now, you know I am happy to blab my ass off without any sort of feedback, so that doesn't apply to me, but maybe to some of them.

Also, they do contest type things that require feedback and posting. See Mrs. Fussypants here: http://fussypants.typepad.com/

Anyway, have a great day, and go ahead and just get use to hearing from me, but remember, I don't like to complain or give unsolicited advice. NEVAH!

Ta ta!

Terri said...

I am also guilty of not commenting.. I just stumbled across your blog a couple of weeks ago and I have to say, I am hooked.

As far as parenting, you say what most of us are thinking, you crack me up and make me feel like my life is normal, as apposed to my sisters'-in-laws "stepford wife" lives that I find myself(& my dear husband) constantly comparing myself to.

Thanks for making me laugh! I can't wait to see what you will do/say next...

Ameise said...

I am always to concerned that my language sounds to childish schol-like
I love your blog you often make my day here in the middle of nowhere in notsogoodold Europe

Anonymous (for now) NY Bitch said...

JEEEBUS. I just found you and read your archives.

I forwarded your Fucking Turkey Cookies to a friend who actually has young children, not hateful teenagers like I have. I loved your entry about your kid lobbing a poo from your fat one-eyed weiner dog at you. That's some funny shit, pun intended.

I sent you an email which you declined to answer ... what's THAT all about? Hmmm?

I'm only commenting now because you are apparently a COMMENT WHORE!!

Melissa said...

I've been trying to comment more, I voted a lot in the bloggies and I already cast my vote for the one that ends this year! I'd be SO sad if you stopped posting as often! Your blog cracks me up and I check it during my breaks/free period at work!

Ashley said...

See how easy it is? See how well bitching works for me?

Dre the Texican, I'm proud of you as a good new commenter. However, any of you who think you're getting a pat on the head for every comment can get your own damn blog and beg for feedback all you want there. ;-)

I'm proud of a lot of you and looking forward to seeing lots and lots of you.

NY Bitch...I'm GOOD about answering fan mail. Maybe you ended up in my junk folder? I love me some fan mail though.

Adamandkaylasmommy said...

I'm sorry that I havent done for you what you have done for me. My DD has had the flu all weekend and everymoment that I got a break I would check your blog. You were my line of aduly sanity over the weekend. I promise that from now on I will comment. Even if its just a LOL. =)

Sew Biz said...

Ok - I do not "comment" very often but I did vote for you! I will try to comment on all your posts - but not making any promises - HAHA. Keep up the fun :-)

susan said...

I don't normally comment because I just read on my google reader, but I did vote for you several times during the bloggie competition!

Love the blog!

Kate said...

I am a total lurker and have only commented sporadically due to my self-assessed inability to write humorous thoughts. But seriously, I voted for you with BOTH of my e-mail addressses.

Jamie said...

I've been trying very hard lately to comment on your blog. I'll do my best to keep the comments coming, as I love your blog!

Sandy said...

I don't usually comment - no reason, just feel a little wierd doing it. Kinda like the dork, trying to start a conversation with the cheerleaders. Maybe that's why I don't get many comments on my blogs. Oh well.

Anyway - I actually found your blog on BBC and love it! I voted for you on the bloggies. I just need to remember to check in more often so I can keep up with the posts!

Anonymous said...

Stop nagging me.

I voted every stinking day.

I posted comments.

I check in several times a day.

I ignore my children and household duties for you.

Haven't I given enough?

Anonymous said...

I do comment anon. perhaps I'll start signing with my bb screen name so you recognize me.
love,
greatteeth

Anonymous said...

OH my I have tears in my eyes, I actually got mentioned in a post!!

Girl you know I love you and even though I feel I may cough a lung up at any moment, thanks to that damn Kindergartener of mine who always brings home the plague, I am here reading more than once a day.

I had to tell hubbie all about the bald beaver and show him the photos he got totally grossed out.

I promise to keep commenting and try to on every post.

Joy

Muffy Willowbrook said...

I'll try harder to leave comments more often. I check your blog a couple of times a day - the least I could do is return the favor!

Anonymous said...

Who the hell is Dooce?? I read you even though I don't have kids and so can't relate to half the things you deal with, just because you are so funny. Sometimes I don't comment because I am busy & usually sneaking a look at your blog but I will try to do better from now on since it hurts your feelings. :)
GREAT JOB AS USUAL, ASHLEY!

jennyandcompany said...

guilty - I've been reading and not commenting. see, I have this complex where I fear that when I open my mouth, people will think I'm obnoxious, loud and opinionated. I like finding other people with the same issues ;)

Oh, and I promise not to go see what's her face because I already spend waaaay too much time online.

Anonymous said...

I check your blog no less than 20 times a day (the honest truth) because you do post numerous times and keep me in good spirits.

I have commented a few times but if you're seriously thinking about the 30 comments before writing something new, then I will be terribly saddened and have to pledge numerous anon lols or something to keep my addiction fed.

penny said...

Dooce is wonderful. She's my goddess. My mantra is Dooce, Dooce, Dooce. Nah, just kidding. Be happy; I've never gone over there and have no idea who she is. I love your blog and check it at least a couple of times a day when I should be cleaning or doing some laundry.

Jane said...

a) Only ass-kissers love Dooce. She's a dumbshit loser idiot and I hate her.
b) Having lots of commenters is a blessing and a curse.
c) Smart, intimidating writers get less comments because people are afraid of them.
d) I just felt like I needed a d.

xo

Jane said...

Oh yeah.

d) I read on feed reader and so I never think to comment because feed reader just shows the text of the entry, not the comments okay bye

llm said...

Sorry for not commenting more. It`s too hard to laugh and type and explain to the kiddos what is so funny(read: lie through my teeth while snickering about whatever hilarious story I`ve just read)

slacker mama said...

I feel weird commenting because I don't know you...and I can't even remember how I came across your blog in the first place.

But you entertain me, so if a comment from will make you happy, so be it.

Michelle said...

Coming out of lurkdom to leave a comment. :-)

Margaret said...

OK you hit your mark of over 30 comments. You owe us another post. Now since this worked and you got your way, don't go raising your ransom to 50 or 60 comments. That would be very whorish of you. My kid is starving but here I am trying to satisfy your need to be loved. Hope you're happy.
:-)

Anonymous said...

Love your blog! Your witty writing keeps me entertained at work. I have a stack of coke codes near the computer at home that I have been saving to email, will try to get to that soon.
Ju

Princess Peaches~n~Cream said...

Oh, Ashley, I am sorry! I get so busy wrapped up here at work, I am reading but not commenting! Please forgive me? You know I love ya, plus, I don't know who this other chick is (nor do I want to. You're my only blog crush!)

Smiles hun.

Anonymous said...

Okay, Okay...sheesh. I am on here, reading faithfully,voting, usually commenting, ignoring my children, ignoring hubby etc. What more do you want?? lmao

For example my daughter, just said to me "I asked you an hour ago to get me some food, you still haven't gotten me any." See the dedication????? Who can say they do that for you.


BTW-she's still nagging, I'm still here. lmao!

tara

Smoochiefrog said...

Geez. You want me to comment, but have you even visited my blog? Hmmmmmmmmmmm????

I may not be up for awards, but I have feelings too.

*Sniff, sniff*

At least Kate and Sasha love me. :)

FunnyGal KAT said...

I agree with some of the others... I think we're just intimidated by your wit! We know any comment we leave could be half as entertaining as your troll smackdown or your girls' night out.

But obviously the threats worked because look at the number of comments! I will have to remember your technique for my own blog.

Tammy said...

I love and read you everyday (sometimes even twice) but I do love no strings attatched love, kwim.

I'm reliving my college days and enjoying "not being committed to one blog"........j/k you are the ony blog I read.

I'll try to comment more often, just don't tell my family and friends since they get an email from me once a year if they are lucky...I neglect everyone, not just my fave weiner gobbler.

Donella said...

I am relatively new but leaving a comment even after I had a pulpotomy not two hours ago. I think I *do* deserve a pat on the head for that. Not too hard, though, the tooth still hurts.

Love your blog as always. Even when nagging us to get comments.

Jamie said...

Okay, we've given you 46 comments. You totally owe us a post.

Beantown_Mommy said...

If it helps, I'm slowly leaving the Dooce camp and coming over to the Ashley camp. And do you know why? It's because Dooce mentions over and over how her blog is her livelihood at this point, and yet she cannot manage to post every day (aside from the pix of Chuck, but who cares about those?). She is down to posting like one or two times a week - come ON. I manage to post some trivial tidbit about my daughter on my blog everyday. She is making it her career and she can't find something to write about?

So you rock, Ashley, because you understand the importance of actually writing something on a blog for people to read!

Southern Mom said...

I love the blog! You make me laugh so hard!! I never comment because I forgot my password and did not realize you could leave a comment without one.

Wayne said...

I'll try to do better.

Sasha@BarelyKeepingItAllTogether said...

Well, if these new commenters don't follow through and leave all these promised comments, I supposed I can step up and multi-slack (tm Holly). Cause that's pretty much all I do all day anyway....

You know I love ya and you're my blog idol and all... blah blah blah. Smooches!

so tired said...

Wow. I'm a little scared. I avoid confrontation. (It's a life long problem I am working on.) So this type of rant frightens me. My first reaction was to quickly click on another site. But then I was afraid you'd catch me somehow like Manisha and make me sorry that I didn't comment.

So here is my comment. I read you every day. FYI...I was hoping for uncensored bald beaver shots...

Renee said...

Yay! I'm a frequent poster! So no apologies here....although truth be told, I probably only comment on every 4th or 5th post these days. I will try to be better about that. In my own defense, I probably had 2 more kids than I should have, for some strange reason I decided to INCREASE my Mommy Workload this year by taking on homeschooling instead of decreasing the burden by sending J to school, and I have a very high maintenance hubby who requires total royal treatment (red carpet and all) when he's home on the weekends. Life is tough over here. The good news is that it looks like we might be heading back your way this summer! Woo hoo! We need to start making plans. No more pimp chalices....what will our new craft project be? CUL8R, alligator.

-The Renee

Robin said...

Tee hee hee...well, I have to say this is my first visit, but I'M COMMENTING. I found your blog from visiting the bloggie awards page. And for the record...Dooce hasn't posted anything since Jan 30, therefore is slacking. Does that help? Consider yourself added to my bookmark bar.

Hair Girl said...

I promise to respond from now on, I didn't want to seem like a stalker or a sarcastic Troll. I think you are fantastic and actually type what we are all thinking!

Anonymous said...

The dooce is pretty great, but I love your blog, too! I have an August '06 little kid who sounds like he would love to hang with yours.....and I did vote for you!

Renee said...

LOL at "multi-slack" - I love that and plan to start using it regularly!

-The Renee

CM said...

LOL! I only comment when I think I have something funny or important to say! Sorry! I thought you wouldn't like me if I wasn't funny! I promise to comment every time! Love your blog!

hotchickenbakooti said...

Damn, Ashley! Can't a bitch read the blog for awhile before she commits to being a regular commenter? I just started coming here! Ease up!

Now, onto the part you are really going to like: I am thinking about breaking up with dooce. She is funny. And takes excellent pictures. And apparently can decorate. And writes for a living. And makes enough that her husband stays home. Seriously. I am developing an inferiority complex just reading her site. When she decides to post.

I like me a weiner-gobblin' potty mouth. I like your site because you 1. write a lot (2nd to whomever wrote that before - I need gratification EVERY DAY) 2. you don't seem to care two shits about being "perfect mommy" (thank GAWWWWWWWD) and 3. you are pretty goddamn funny. So, do you wanna make out or something?

You feel better now? I'm hate commenting. (But I still want to make out with you.)

Anonymous said...

First day I hit your site, and I must admit I was impressed until I saw the Dooce rampage...WTF was that about seriously? She is not my favorite The Pioneer Woman is my favorite...but if you keep your green eyed monster in check I might return. :P

kath67 said...

it's my second time visiting for site and i am afraid, very afraid! i'll be back

MommyMo said...

Okay, Ashley. You got me. My friend, who comments occasionally, told me about your blog and ever since I have been hooked! Other than the times that I'm so engrossed reading your stuff that my 19 month old stays in his crib for an hour AFTER he's woken up from his nap (what can I say, he's a content baby), you have helped me to become a better mom. Seriously! It's so great to know that I'm not all alone! Anyway, gotta go. I'm late to pick up my oldest from school. :)

lisa said...

i'm l.a.z.y and don't like to use capitalization...that's my excuse for not leaving a comment. i know how much you hate me for it. oh well, hate away!

Kate said...

Wow - I actually do some work for a morning and miss getting mentioned in a post (for the 2nd time lately...I'm totally feeling the love!!!) and come back to find that I must comment. Now I feel obligated to comment. The pressure of a comment. Head. Will. Explode. I'll start typing in a British accent and randomly go off on people.

Seriously though, now that you have all these new and exciting commenters, don't go forgetting those of us who have been regulars! Dooce ain't got nothing on you baby! I like reading someone who I can hang out with if we weren't seperated by firewalls and thousands of miles. You know, someone I can have a drink with and say fuck in front of. Now, that's good times!

Mitch said...

Oh, come on! I posted once before. OK, only once, but I'm shy. And I'm scared to speak in front of crowds.

I feel like I'm being disciplined by my teacher and making up excuses like I accidentally dumped white out all over my book report!

London said...

lol

Jonah Lisa said...

I too plan to jump on the mutli-slacking bandwagon...oh, and yes, I'll try to comment more often.

After all, I'm in the exact same boat on my own blog. I'd LOVE to have more comments. My comments are such a wastland some days I've even considered turning them off until my traffic is a little higher.

I think the golden rule may apply in here somewhere, so I'm sharing some love in full selfish, antention loving weiner gobler style and hoping it will pay off for ME in some way.

Deborah said...

Turn about is fair play. if i comment here, you must comment on my blog.

PINK POPPY said...

QUEEN LURKER here!
I voted for you...doesn't that count for anything?!?!?!?!? :)
Geez~ I feel like we all just got into REALLY BIG TROUBLE out here in lurker land and we are all tucking our tails & coming clean....! :) HA!HA! Slacker Lurkers we are!
My concern would be.....if *EVERYONE* that read posted a comment....if you had to read all of those comments...you may not have time to post! (reasonable ....right? )what if we did something like...if we didn't have any thing of essence to say...we just posted a number from 1 - 10 as to how much we enjoyed the post....sort of a morse code...10=you rock as usual....1=not so much(which I sincerely doubt you would EVER see any of those....)just a thought....
WE LOVE YOU ASHLEY....even if we don't voice ourselves accordingly!! Sorry!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Ashley! I admit I have grown accustom to checking your blog everyday in the last week and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon. I think you do a great job with the blog. Now if I can only get mine started. Of course not to compete with yours.

Cake said...

Thanks for the spanking ;) I tried to comment on the hilarity of the beaver the other night, but my computer was being as ass.

I always enjoy reading your blog THANK YOU!!! for being such a great weiner gobbler, I heart you!

The_Joyous_Quintet said...

Oopsy!

Alright, so yeah my selfish needs have been taking precedence, but that all stops right now! So here ya go:

LOL!

Happy? :-)

I'll do better, I pwomise.

PS Link me to Dooce, will ya? ;-)

Commenter said...

OMG complain much? :o) Here - have ANOTHER comment... happy now?? geesshhh

Jodi said...

You know I love you, even though we're not talking right now.
I have to come here to find you.

AE said...

Ok, so yes, I am one of the irritating readers who has been here from very early on but doesn't leave comments. However, since you are going to keep nagging us about it I figured I would go ahead and comment :) I will say that I voted everyday for you and I will try to ignore my kids more than I usually do so that I can comment more often from now on! Oh, and I don't even know who or what a Dooce is...
AE

Heather said...

Sorry oh Great Weiner Gobbler. I have not been commenting enough. I took the spanking and I will get better!

LKfan said...

i don't comment much because a) i'm usually reading while i nurse, so typing with one hand, and b) i don't really "know" you and was afraid you'd start thinking i was a crazy stalker. i'll even use a nickname, though i'd previously posted only anon...

Anonymous said...

You do realize that I now want to find Dooce and read her blog. Never have but you just gave her a singing endorsement :)

That's okay, I was howling at whole pussy/taxicab driver story.

Anonymous said...

I would have commented sooner, but I've been over at Dooce's laughing my ass off.

OK, I lied. I just wanted you to hurt like you hurt me when you thought I didn't care. Sniff, sniff, sob. Words can hurt, ya know.

Anonymous said...

Sorry I am guilty! I lurk on the bargain board and I started reading your blog and you are toooooo funny! I promise I will comment more!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe so many people love Dooce and give her so many comments because she doesn't pester the hell out of us every single freakin day. I mean, enough already. It almost turns me off to see you doing so much begging. I think she mentioned the awards on her blog, oh, once? And it wasn't to beg for votes either. She's been blogging for a hell of a long time. Have a little patience, and if your blog is worthy, it will happen for you too.

Ashley said...

Anonymous, feel free to read a blog that doesn't pester you so much. The ONLY payment I get for 3-5 entries a day is comments and the occasional box of adult products. Having 2200 readers and 5comments is annoying and I'm allowed to say so here in my own online diary.

If I were nominated for 6 different bloggies (even she admitted it was ridiculous) and had already won every award under the sun...I wouldn't beg either...

Anonymous said...

Do you read and comment on other blogs?

Here's your comment :-) said...

I'm fine with the pestering and think all of the "I'll comment on yours if you'll comment on mine" thinking is dumb.

She writes to us all day long
She has thousands of readers
Were here anyway-might as well comment.

Interesting you have so many critics Ash, they all like to read though.

I'll start commenting and I don't expect you to comment on my blog in return. Dooce doesn't.

Anonymous said...

Very interesting......

Sequana said...

I just came over from KnitStory and might hang a lil bit. *S*

You can hardly keep me from commenting everywhere on everything. So we're a perfect match.

Hadn't heard of Dooce until I read thru those nominations. She's never been mentioned on the 300+ blogs in my reader.

The_Joyous_Quintet said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, under different circumstances, this might be considered 'begging,' but Ashley is a chick that wears her heart on her sleeves hence her enormous following.

I like you, Ashley. Keep on keepin' it real, girlfriend!

Holly said...

I didn't know it mattered this much to you. I will vow to make consistant commenting a top priority. We don't want to take it to the rewards/punishment system, OK?

Your favorite,
Holly